So, two Limbos. And the second is made up of parts we can separate and look at.
The circular cause-completion-resolution flow chart you are likely working off isn’t accurate. First, let’s consider the bell curve issue. We’ll call this quality of going deeper down the rabbit hole awareness. Just as with intelligence, it exists on a bell curve. At the very low end, you will have fewer people to play with and fewer natural roles in society. As you progress in awareness, you have more of a range and more cohorts. The more cohorts you have, the more of a place in society is carved out for you. When you get to the apex of that curve you’ve hit the sweet spot. It’s like being the dominant species. They all buy the same stuff, talk about the same stuff, watch and read the same stuff, do the same yoga, more or less.
After that, you have less range, but it’s still okay until you reach the tipping point on the other end of the bell curve where you actually start to feel like you are an outsider. There are fewer people to play with and you find the structures of society, built by and for the middle range of the curve, are not ones you can operate comfortably anymore.
More awareness, increasing your quality of being awake, going deeper down the rabbit hole does not lead to a resolution of your first issue: no longer being able to fit into normal life.
You are measuring what is normal against your old friends, expectations, and structures, which are all sitting solidly in that cozy mid-range, up near the apex of the bell curve. By that standard, you will never live a normal life and will continue to feel more alien until you finally drop your middle bell curve that still dominates your perception of the world. Your limbo, in this case, is that you’ve moved too far away from that, but still unconsciously hold those values and frameworks as somehow valid or applicable. Imagine stretching yourself between these two poles, which are moving further apart every day.
And you believe that by being more aware and awake and finally maybe even enlightened, you will solve this rift because you’ll…what? Not care anymore? Be beyond it? Replace it with other frameworks or values? You really need to think this through.
So there is this old measurement of life, one that is mirrored to you by everyone you know, and then there is this new level of awareness. Your tension is between these two, but the only thing that will release this tension, this limbo, is for you to be solidly where you are. Realize that you are continuing to carry some validation for this “normal life”, even as you see the emptiness of it. You’re on the other side of the bell curve, my dear. Deal with it.
I’m not saying it’s easy. And you can learn to go in and out of that middle bell curve world, but you’ll never be part of it, you will never belong. It’s confusing to be kicked out of the club, but there is another world out there and you’ll see it more clearly if you aren’t looking backward, awkwardly trying to impersonate your previous self. But kid yourself not, it can be a lonely path. The road ahead is one of your makings, and design…not off the rack.
LVX - Patrick Gaffiero